I was speaking with a colleague today and commenting about how disappointed I had become with myself regarding my attitude with the kids at my school. And, I’m not necessarily just talking about the kids in my class. For those who don’t know, I teach high school art in an urban district. My kids either a) don’t care about my class or b) tell me I’ve ruined art class for them. The first group is comprised of the majority of my kids which is ever a disappointment for me because I long for some art majors. But, I realize that they may come in later years. The second group basically just emerged. Actually, a few students just verbalized it at the beginning of this week.

Regardless which group, though, the reality is all of my kids have wildly misplaced perspectives on art education. As I’ve stated in another post, they expect my class to be fun, a time for them to make a little craft and socialize with their friends. Anything difficult or challenging isn’t well received. Much of what brought this on is the fact that I have begun art appreciation/criticism and will soon start art history. The introduction of these topics has brought with it reading and writing assignments, a break from hands-on work.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret my curricular direction. I’m in alignment with what I’m to teach according to my State; however, I’m disappointed with how I’ve reacted in-class emotionally with my students. I’ve allowed their toxicity and negativity to poison me. That was an important statement for me to make—to someone else and myself. My school, while free of violence (minus the occasional fight), has real problems with discipline. The students have dictated their own course for enough years that it has made taking the school back—for lack of a better way of putting it—a challenging proposition. Consistency among the teaching staff hasn’t helped those efforts, though positive steps have been made and things are better than last year. Still much work remains and the students resent the educational and disciplinary imposition. I am one of a few teachers that is pushing back hard on the students with regards to the disciplinary code. It hasn’t won me any kudos from them and some of that negativity has crept into my class.

Long-story-short, the problem for me is with myself. That’s why I’m writing the post. These kids are a product of their environment. They don’t care about art because it’s not been a part of their life outside of pop culture. How can I expect them to behave differently. I don’t have control over their reactions, but I do have control over mine. I have noticed an increase in yelling, responding quickly and harshly to students and delivering my lessons flatly. While I don’t make excuses that my class is hard, I don’t need to compound their experience with a harder and edgier me. That’s a change I plan on amending now that I’ve recognized the degree to which this has occurred.

I know I’m not alone in having these feelings and experience. What I’m looking for are strategies and recommendations on making a change. As a Christian, I know what my responsibilities are before the Lord regarding my vocation. He is ultimately the author of true heart change and I believe that he’s lead me to this point. I’m thankful for that. He also works through people. Your experience in the classroom and life can be an additional means of grace to me. So, talk to me. I want to hear from you about this.